Blog 11 – There’s a light…

…Over at the Frankenstein place.  Sorry.  You’ll only get that if you’re a fan of the Rocky Horror Show.

There’s a light now at the end of my recovery tunnel.  Only the existence of this light is making time go very, very slowly, and also means I’m struggling with some things.  Things that didn’t bother me before, but now they’re becoming very important in my mind.  They’re making me a grumpy.  I’m not even sure if anyone will remotely understand or appreciate where I’m coming from on this one. 

I want to have a bath.  I want to wear jeans.  I want to wear skinny jeans and knee high boots.  I want to sit cross legged on the sofa.  I want to crawl.  I want to sit on the floor.  I want to sleep without needing my Cushties under my ankle and knee.  I want to walk without my gimpy limp.  I want the freedom of independence.  I want to drive.  I want to wear leathers and bike boots.  I want to wear a skirt.  I want to wear tights.  I want to wear leggings.  I want to be pretty.

These are the things that I’m missing.  The things that I’m really struggling with, all of a sudden.  And I think it’s because I’m so close to having this frame taken off my leg.  It isn’t a pretty thing.  It isn’t nice to look at.  I know it is looking after my leg, and my leg is healing.  But I want my leg back.  These aren’t vain things.  I don’t think it is even anything about being female, although I do feel decidedly unfeminine at the moment.  I’m not even a girly girl.  I rarely wear make up.  I like my hair long, because then it doesn’t really need styling.  I don’t often wear skirts.  I don’t really care less about what I’m wearing, as long as I am comfortable.  I think the frustration is about not being able to do it.  I want to have the choice. 

I’m seeing my consultant on the 9th January.  Hopefully, the ex fix will be loosened.  And hopefully, about 2 weeks after that, I’ll have the ex fix removed.  Time has never gone so slowly…

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